99 Bottles of Beer

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Language Shakespeare

Date:	05/18/05
Author:	Jonas Sjöbergh
URL:	n/a
Comments:	6
Info:	http://shakespearelang.sourceforge.net/
Score:	(4.01 in 345 votes)

Shakesbeer, by Jonas Sjï¿½bergh, jsh@nada<dot>kth<dot>se.

Romeo, a man who curses men and likes women, while taking up some space.
Juliet, often the temporary affections of Romeo.
The Ghost,holds his liquor.
Hamlet, a man who is a bit jumpy.
Oberon, o.
Emilia, e.
Titus, t.
Ajax, n.
Angelo, a.
Shylock, s.
Lennox, l.
Bianca, b.
The Abbot of Westminster, w.
Desdemona, d.
Robin, r.
Capulet, ,.

		     Act I: Where the action is.

	      Scene I: Where the beginnings are located.

[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
Hamlet:
	Thou art as mighty as the sum of a proud rich trustworthy hero
	and a handsome Lord. Thou art as noble as the square of thyself.
	Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum.
The Ghost:
	Thou art as good as the difference between a Lord and a Lord.

	    Scene II: Where bottles of beer are displayed.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
	the Ghost: 
	Thou art as good as the sum of thyself and a Lord.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Romeo and the Ghost]
Romeo: 
	Open your heart.
	the Ghost:
	You are a fine brave gentle bold amazing Lord.
[Exit The Ghost]
[Enter Bianca]
Bianca:
	Speak your mind.
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and a golden hair. Speak your mind.   
[Exit Bianca]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten oozing blister and a toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy 
	half-witted lying coward. 
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. 
	Speak your mind. Speak your mind.
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Lennox]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten oozing blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. 
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Lennox]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a golden hair
	and the sum of a red rose and a flower. Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Shylock]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of
	a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying
	coward and a cow.
[Exit Romeo]
[Enter the Ghost]
	the Ghost:
	Am I as good as a plum?  If not, Speak your mind.
[Exit the Ghost]
[Enter Romeo]
Shylock:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Shylock]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a golden hair
	and the sum of a red rose and a yellow flower. Speak your mind.   
Juliet:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Bianca]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Bianca]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Robin]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of
	a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying
	coward and a big cow. 
	Speak your mind.	
[Exit Robin]
[Enter Hamlet]
Hamlet:
	Am I as good as a Lord?
	If so, let us proceed to Scene III.
	Am I as good as a fine Lord?
	If so, let us proceed to Scene V.
	Let us proceed to Scene III.

	     Scene III: Where a wall enters the picture.

[Exeunt] 
[Enter Romeo and Oberon] 
Oberon:
	Speak your mind.
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible
	disgusting rotten oozing blister and a smelly toad and a cursed
	miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying
	coward. 	
	Speak your mind.
Ajax:
	Speak your mind.  
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:      
	Speak your mind.  
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a beautiful golden
	hair and a lovely red rose. Speak your mind.    
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Emilia:
	Speak your mind.  
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter The Abbot of Westminster]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a normal 
	furry little goat and the sum of a cow and a black hog and a
	horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile
	blister. Speak your mind. 
[Exit The Abbot of Westminster] 
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a disgusting
	fat miserable dirty smelly toad and a cow and a
	horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile
	blister. Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Lennox]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind. Speak your mind.
[Exit Lennox]
[Enter Capulet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the difference between a huge big cow and
	the sum of a cursed vile evil plague and a horrible huge hairy
	dirty smelly hog.
[Exit Romeo]
[Enter the Ghost]
	the Ghost:
	Am I worse than an animal?
	If so, let us proceed to Scene VI.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and Capulet]
Hamlet: 
	Am I as good as a Lord?
	If so, speak your mind.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Hamlet:
	Am I as good as a son?
	If so, speak your mind.
	Am I as good as a brother?
	If so, let us return to Scene II.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Juliet and Capulet]
Capulet:
	Remember me. Recall my last remark.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as fine as the sum of thyself and a red rose.
	Speak your mind.
	Let us return to Scene IV.

		     Scene IV: Where a line ends.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Romeo and Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a
	lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer's
	day. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a
	furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
The Ghost:
	Thou art as good as the difference between thyself and thyself.
	Let us return to Scene II.

	      Scene V: Where bottles are passed around.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Juliet and Capulet]
Capulet:
	Remember me. Recall that I always tell you to do so.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of thyself and a gentle summer's
	day. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a rose and the sum of a
	lovely gentle summer's day and a beautiful fine yellow
	flower. Speak your mind. 

	Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a
	small animal and a daughter. Speak your mind.
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:
	Thou art as foul as the sum of thyself and a foul smelly
	oozing evil red blister. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as foul as the difference between thyself and a foul smelly
	oozing evil red blister.
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair warm golden
	hair and the sum of a little animal and a cat. Speak your mind.    
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Emilia:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Emilia]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Emilia:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Emilia]
[Enter Desdemona]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and a fair golden hair. Speak
	your mind.
[Exit Desdemona]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter The Abbot of Westminster]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit The Abbot of Westminster]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Capulet]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Capulet:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Juliet]	
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine
	golden hair and a beautiful little red rose. Speak your mind. 
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Shylock]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
	Speak your mind.
Shylock:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Shylock]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine
	golden hair and a rose. Speak your mind. 
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Titus]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Titus:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Titus]
[Enter Angelo]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Angelo]
[Enter Robin]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Robin]
[Enter Oberon]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Oberon]
[Enter Juliet]
Romeo:
	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy
	lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful
	lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine
	golden hair and the sum of a beautiful little red rose and the
	sum of a little furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.
[Exit Juliet]
[Enter Ajax]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Ajax]
[Enter Desdemona]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
[Exit Desdemona]
[Enter Capulet]
Romeo:
	Speak your mind.
Capulet:
	Speak your mind.
[Exeunt]
[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]
Hamlet:
	Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum.
The Ghost:
	Let us return to Scene II.

			  Scene VI: The End.

[Exeunt]
[Enter Capulet and Juliet]
Capulet: 
	Remember me. Recall the last time we met.
[Exit Capulet]
[Enter Romeo]
Romeo:
	Thou art as pretty as the sum of thyself and a
	furry animal. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a
	lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer's
	day. Speak your mind.

	Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a
	furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.
[Exeunt]

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Comments

Gregor Richards said on 06/06/05 18:31:13

There must be some way that this:

Oberon, o.
Emilia, e.
Titus, t.
Ajax, n.
Angelo, a.
Shylock, s.
Lennox, l.
Bianca, b.
The Abbot of Westminster, w.
Desdemona, d.
Robin, r.
Capulet, ,.

can be written more victorianly...

AJ said on 07/14/05 03:36:52

You are a sick, sick man, Jonas...great job 8-)

Debugmenow said on 12/04/05 15:40:10

Shakespere is awesome, although in most cases it goes:
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
speak your mind.
etcetera.
Anyway, GOOD JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

petchema said on 04/13/06 17:03:19

For this, characters should probably be able to store/remember sentences...

cyber95 said on 01/29/08 20:18:11

Everybody just wants to know everybody else's secret, which is why everybody is saying "Speak your mind" so much.
The ones who DO speak their minds are fools. They're going to be laughed at later when the gossiping starts.

DH said on 11/22/09 21:45:39

Gregor Richards: Victorianly? You're out by 250 years...

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